Of Wolf and Man
by Soul Reaver
Summary: COBRA steals Sergeant Snuffles and a royal mess ensues when Beach Head goes completely berserk to the tune of Metallica's Of Wolf and Man


Of Wolf and Man  
  
Disclaimer: Neither GI Joe, Pac Man, Metallica, or Sergeant Snuffles are owned by me.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Destro! What is this worthless thing?" Cobra Commander shouted, holding up a nappy looking teddy bear in starched camouflage fatigues and spit shined boots.  
  
At this, Destro's eyes widened under his chrome head, "Commander, we have to get rid of that right away."  
  
"Not now, Destro, let's get rid of this useless teddy bear." Cobra Commander said.  
  
As the opening notes of the Metallica hit of Wolf and Man began to play, Destro stares at the teddy bear as if it is a nuclear warhead placed in his midst.  
  
"Destro, what are you so jittery about?" Cobra Commander asked.  
  
"You're about to find out." Destro replied.  
  
Off through the new day's mist I run Off from the new day's mist I have come I hunt Therefore I am Harvest the land Taking of the fallen lamb  
  
On a COBRA security camera Beach Head finds out COBRA has stolen Sergeant Snuffles. He hunches over, and his fatigues start to rip at the seams as he grows bigger, with a lot of gray fur. A dog-like muzzle pokes out of his mask.  
  
He runs right into the COBRA defensive perimeter and rips the nearest viper in half with his clawed hands.  
  
Off through the new day's mist I run Off from the new day's mist I have come We shift Pulsing with the earth Company we keep Roaming the land while you sleep  
  
A long howl rises over the horizon as Beach Head, now a werewolf, comes tearing through the COBRA compound. Hundreds of vipers are shrieking, screaming, and running for their lives as he comes chasing them.  
  
"Give back Sergeant Snuffles you fiends!" Beach Head shouts.  
  
Zartan tries to come at Beach Head with guns blazing on his motorcycle, the Dreadnocks are right behind him. Beach Head reacts to the bullets as if they are bee stings, for bullets do not harm a berserk lycanthropic Beach Head. He picks up Zartan and rips off his head, using his skull for a grotesque bowling ball that knocks over several fleeing Cobras.  
  
Shape shift nose to the wind Shape shift feeling I've been Move swift all senses clean Earth's gift back to the meaning of life  
  
"What do you mean you can't stop him!" Cobra Commander fumes, "Can't you handle one berserk Joe!"  
  
"Uh Commander." Destro whispers.  
  
"Not now Destro, I'm busy having a nervous breakdown because our men are cowards, sissies, and incompetents!" Cobra Commander shouts.  
  
"I'll get him!" Metal Head shouts, "Range, thirty feet..Bang! Hah ha ha ha ha!"  
  
The insane bearded COBRA fires a rocket at Beach Head. Instead of harming him, this serves to tick him off more. "Command decision, Metal Head, you have been awarded the official COBRA Teddy Bear of Valor, catch!" Cobra Commander shouts.  
  
"Thanks boss! I really appreciate it, BANG! Ha ha ha ha ha!" In celebration, Metal Head blasts a hole in the wall where the completely insane Beach Head crashes through.  
  
"I'll handle this, Boss! Bang ha ha hah ha ha ha ha!" Metal Head shouts, firing another rocket. This fails to kill Beach Head, and Metal Head tosses the teddy bear at Cobra Commander and Destro.  
  
"Nice catch!" Cobra Commander says to Destro. When Metal Head's mangled corpse goes flying through the air, he recants his statement, "What am I saying! Run!!! Run!!! RUN!!!!!!!"  
  
"What do you think I've been doing Commander!" Destro replies.  
  
Bright is the moon high in starlight Chill is the air cold as steel tonight We shift Call of the wild Fear in your eyes It's later than you realized  
  
Cobra Commander gets on the PA system, "All COBRA's, this is your commander speaking. If you're not already dead, get up and help your leader fight off this menace of a werewolf that has invaded our base. Oh shit he's already in the room!! Big reward of a million bucks to whoever stops the werewolf!!!"  
  
Cobra Commander is on his own as Beach Head chases him around a maze on the COBRA base yelling "Gorp! Gorp! Gorp! Gorp!"  
  
"EEHAW!!!!" Cobra Commander yells, running for his life.  
  
Shape shift nose to the wind Shape shift feeling I've been Move swift all senses clean Earth's gift back to the meaning of life  
  
Cobra Commander thinks he has found refuge inside a chamber in the maze only to have Beach Head crash through a wall after him. "Gorp! Gorp! Gorp! Gorp!" Beach Head shouts.  
  
"EEHAW!" Cobra Commander shouts.  
  
I feel I change Back to a better day Hair stands on the back of my neck In wildness is the preservation of the world  
  
"Gorp! Gorp! Gorp! Gorp!" Beach Head shouts.  
  
"Help! Help! Help! Help!" Cobra Commander shouts as werewolf Beach Head pursues him.  
  
Cobra Commander runs smack into a large contingent of his troops armed with nets, guns, and various other weapons.  
  
So seek the wolf in thyself  
  
Beach Head crashes right into the midst of the COBRAs and ensnares them with their own traps and leaves several broken pieces of others around the maze in pools of blood. He sits atop a pile of still living COBRAs and steals his beloved teddy bear back from Cobra Commander's hands.  
  
"Urk!" is all Cobra Commander can say.  
  
Shape shift nose to the wind Shape shift feeling I've been Move swift all senses clean Earth's gift Back to the meaning of wolf and man  
  
"Remind me to never make you angry, love." Mainframe says, sitting across from Zarana in an exquisite high class restaurant far from the carnage.  
  
"You came through when you gave Sergeant Snuffles to Destro after chrome face threatened to tell on us." Zarana says, giving Mainframe the lovely eyes routine.  
  
"That was gruesome." Mainframe says, watching the entire spectacle on a small TV monitor, "Again, remind me never to make you mad.I thought even Destro knew better than to come between Beach Head and his teddy bear." 


End file.
